Love on the Ballot: NYC Singles Search for Matches at Political Speed Dating Events this Election Season

In the pink, neon glow of a Chelsea bar, a group of singles sip on cocktails while engaging in lively conversation. Topics on the table: presidential candidate Kamala Harris, healthcare reform, and personal preferences in a partner. This isn't a political organization or a typical singles event—it's "Date A Dem," a politically-themed speed dating night organized by Single and the City, a company that hosts in-person dating events.

Sensing the buzz of election season, Amber Soletti, dating expert and founder of Single and the City, saw an opportunity to combine romance with politics. She launched a series of political speed dating events this year, including "Date A Dem" and a GOP counterpart called "Make Dating Great Again” in NYC and in Austin, TX, with more scheduled ahead of the November 5 election.

According to a 2024 study, 60.5% of all respondents said that a potential partner having different political views is a dealbreaker. However, a Match survey from 2022 found that 78% of singles reported being unlikely to talk about politics on or before a first date. Even as politics is becoming more central to people’s identity, many still find it difficult to pop the question– “Who are you voting for?"

Soletti has been putting together dating events in NYC since 2008– and now in Austin, TX where she now lives with her husband. Soletti even met her husband through one of her events and is known for organizing niche speed dating events including ones based on religion, first responders, and now political parties.

“It was from feedback from friends and attendees [of our events] who would have a great time on dates and down the road, find out that they weren't aligned politically, which really ties into values nowadays,” Soletti said over the phone. “We've been conditioned to not talk about religion to politics on dates– things that I think are actually really important.”

Soletti has already hosted three political speed dating events held at The Rose bar on West 25th Street in Chelsea. She found that women aged 30-40 had the most sign-ups for the political speed dating events– as for men, those aged 20-30 had the most number of sign-ups.

Alexa Scharf, 35, attended one of Soletti’s GOP speed dating events. She was drawn to the event because she’s tired of dating apps and not having the same political views is a deal-breaker. Scharf, who is a NYC-native, adds that it’s hard to find someone with the same political views in the city. This is one of the reasons why Soletti brought politically-themed dating events to NYC. It’s not surprising to her that the GOP speed dating events are more popular in the city.

“These GOP singles are in the minority in the city,” Soletti said. “I was speaking to a couple of the women from that [GOP] event; they had shared that they had gone on dates from apps and when politics came up, the men were very hostile about it.”

While talking about politics is not required at Soletti’s political speed dating events, she wants to let attendees know that all the people they are meeting are on the same side of the aisle. At least, that was the intention. Even the dating world isn’t immune to political attacks. At the September 18th “Date A Dem” event, a Trump supporter bought up tickets and then didn’t show. This skewed the numbers, leaving 10 women to interact with two men.

One of those men was Keith Burgun, 42, a game developer, who traveled into the city from upstate New York for the “Date A Dem" event. After being in a series of long-term relationships, Burgun is single and while he doesn’t stray away from bridging up politics on the first date, he was more interested in political speed dating to find a partner that shares his interests. Burgun studied Political Science in college and says politics is like a “hobby” to him in the same way tennis is to others.

“I don't demand that somebody is extremely politically engaged, but I do require that they are coming at these kinds of [political] questions from a position of empathy and compassion,” Burgun said. “And I have difficulty understanding how somebody could be a kind and compassionate person, and then also watch a Trump rally and be like, yeah, that was all great.”

Despite the event being sabotaged, Burgun left with new friends and is still searching for a love match. Burgun believes events like the “Date A Dem," where politics are at the forefront are important– not just in romance, but in all relationships.

“There's way too much of a norm of not talking about politics. I don't think that's the route to our growth,” Burgun said. “And at the end of the day, we share the planet with Trump supporters.”

Matthew Nagin, 45, doesn’t like to bring up politics on first dates. Nagin identifies as an Independent, however, he leans more to the right and attended the GOP speed dating event because finding a right-wing dating event is hard to come by in the city. Nagin, who works in the entertainment industry recently moved back to NYC, his hometown, after living in Alabama with his now ex-girlfriend.

“It's already hard enough [dating in NYC], so I don't feel like you should be forced to lead with politics," Nagin says. “But because it's not such a thing of my personality, I don't feel like I have to mention it until I get to know someone better.”

Nagin says politics isn’t a deal-breaker for him because it would narrow the dating pool for him. He doesn’t even use the political affiliation filter on dating apps.

“That would leave me like three women,” Nagin said. “Maybe if I go to Staten Island, it’d be different.”

But the GOP speed dating event gave Nagin the opportunity to bring up politics right off the bat, which he thought was refreshing.

“I opened with something like, ‘Oh, it's so rare to see Trump-supporting women in New York.’ Then abortion came up,” Nagin said. “Usually, the abortion issue is a deal breaker, and this woman said she has other issues that are higher priority, like the economy and the border.”

Nagin left the event with a couple of matches and even a friend he’s planning to get drinks with. He hopes Soletti continues these political speed dating events after the election, and he also believes that those who don’t have the same political party affiliation should attend.

“Liz Cheney's endorsing Kamala, so I think we're in a different paradigm now, and I think people should go out of their shells and try other kinds of things,” Nagin said. “This GOP dating thing, I know it's crazy in New York, but it's actually pretty cool– even if you don't believe in those politics, you might find someone interesting or have a fun night.”